Today I am working hard at counting my blessings…. But it’s tricky for me when I feel like 95% of my blessings live in New England. I want to take a moment to be honest about something here – that for me, living away from home is something that, while apparently adult and “necessary” at times, totally sucks. I’m feeling a lot of anger at the economy making it tough for people to be where they want to be… and that the world has become so global that you can never just stay in one place long enough to re-create the life you grew up having and expecting. Because let’s face it – you can plop yourself into the most fabulous place on the planet, but it doesn’t ever measure up to a snuggle on the couch with your siblings while you watch some hilarious movie and talk 9,000 miles a minute.
I know a lot of people probably think, “Ohhh that’s the sound of someone who isn’t dealing with the day to day monotony of home…. Someone who has home pegged in their head as a fantasy, not a reality.” And to that, I respond: monotony and the daily grind follow you everywhere, that’s for sure. But what makes the difference between an OK day and a great day is having a support system around to meet up for a glass of wine on a rough Tuesday or parents to chat with on beach chairs at Pine Point on a sunny weekend afternoon (for example).
I’m not trying to downplay the wonderful support system I have in Chris– trust me on this. He is truly wonderful and makes me laugh and encourages me every day. But it wouldn’t matter if I was in Arizona with just him, just my mom, or just my best friend. It still wouldn’t be that same feeling of community that you have in the place where you grow up.
I’m envious that Chris sees the world differently from me a lot of the time… he doesn’t mind moving or changing, at least he doesn’t say so. I truly wish I could be more adventurous and more accepting of the curveballs life throws my way – and I do think I make a valiant effort each day to be positive, get involved and make the best out of life. But today it’s hard. And so I apologize for the “wah wah” tone of this post… and I apologize if someone who has anxiety about their own upcoming move just read this and is now breathing into a paper bag. That was never my intent. I guess my point is, enjoy home when you have it. Make the best out of those far and few vacations between. And maybe take better advantage of Skype, because man oh man, it was a great invention.
But also – try your best to learn from the mistakes of people like me who spend way too much time on Facebook seething with jealousy at photos of the ocean, boats and lakes when it was 110 degrees and dusty where you are. I guess, maybe, work harder to enjoy where you are at and view things with pleasure, not with dread. Because tomorrow, when my attitude has shifted and I am happy about my surroundings, I will probably read this and shudder. But for now, I’m dumping on whoever will listen. Please do not think I’m pathetic. But as a writer (and that’s exactly what I am by profession), the release of emotions on paper is cathartic and truly the only way I know how to handle all the thoughts swimming inside.
There… I feel better already 🙂